Emotional Coaching

 I am reading a really good book Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Children by John M. Gottman. It starts with taking a test to see what type of parent you are.  There are four different types of parenting styles which are: 

  • The Dismissing Parent disengages, ridicules, or curbs all negative emotions, feels uncertainty and fears feeling out of control, uses distraction techniques, feels that emotions are toxic or unhealthy, uses the passage of time as a cure-all replacement for problem-solving.
    Effects: Children learn that there is something wrong with them, cannot regulate their emotions, feel that what they are feeling is not appropriate, not right, and abnormal.
  • The Disapproving Parent is similar to the dismissing parent but more negative, judgmental and critical, controlling, manipulative, authoritative, overly concerned with discipline, and strangely unconcerned with the meaning of a child’s emotional expression.
    Effects: Similar to dismissing parenting techniques.
  • The Laissez-Faire Parent (is endlessly permissive, offers little to no guidance about problem-solving or understanding emotions, does not set any limits on behavior, encourages “riding out” of emotions until they are out of the way and out of sight).
    Effects: Kids can’t concentrate, can’t get along with others, or form friendships, can’t regulate their emotions in a healthy way.

  • The Emotion Coach -When you look back on memories of your own childhood, you may recognize that some of the strategies below were used by your parents when you felt the closest to them, that they could really relate to you, and when you were truly understood.

The five essential steps of Emotion Coaching:

  • Be aware of your child’s emotion
  • Recognize your child’s expression of emotion as a perfect moment for intimacy and teaching
  • Listen with empathy and validate your child’s feelings
  • Help your child learn to label their emotions with words
  • Set limits when you are helping your child to solve problems or deal with upsetting situations appropriately
Information from: https://www.gottman.com/blog/an-introduction-to-emotion-coaching/

I took the test to see my parenting style and was surprised I was 32% Dismissing parent, 0% disapproving parent, 20% laissez-faire, and 82% emotional coach.  To take the test go here:

https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-style-of-parent-are-you/


This is my oldest daughter crying whenever the SPCA Commercial comes on TV.

Emotional parenting is something we can learn how to do.  Did you take the test what were your scores?  How could you improve in being an Emotional Coach?


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